Persistence is something people will need during their times living in this world. Without persistence people will easily give up, people will die easily. But when you combine persistence with perspective.
Perspective is something tricky. There are almost no same exact perspective. The perspective of one person will differ from other's. For one person who feels accepted when someone greets that person warmly and that person returns it could be seen as other things by others who saw that. When one person tries to talked with other because that person thinks that person doesn't want to disturb those near can be seen as other negatively by those near.
Now when you combine the persistence of trying so hard to be accepted and the perspective of those in the friendship relationship and those observing, it could turn out to be something out of the ordinary, something bad.
Right now I don't want to add more silly stupid thoughts into other's mind. As far as I like being close friend with this person, it is not my goal nor my wish to make the others annoyed because of my closeness. I know I'm not even that close, but when it gave others those thoughts, it's then become something you should try to avoid.
I guess I may like, or fall for, but I'm in no condition or in no way to be involved in that complicated kind of relationship. I like my friends, I really do, and the last thing that I want is for them to be annoy at me. I'd hate that.
I am ranting, with what I have in mind, what I feel. I might not like this, I know. I sometimes wished I could erased my past, those sad times, those dark times, those stupid times, but I also know that I'm learning. There might be things I have to learn the hard way, there might be things someone have to tell it to my face to make me realize it, there might be times where someone have to help me from doing my habit, to break my bad habits. I appreciate them very much. I don't like it to be kept in the dark, I don't like it when I have to guess around. I might be angry, I might be upset, I might be irritated, it might makes me hot, burning inside my chest and face when someone tell me straight up, but that will get me think about things, that will certainly make me more aware of my flaws, and I know to change those flaws I will need help, and for that I will need someone who will not give up on me. I know I can be stubborn at times, I need someone who can point things out for me, so I can break those habits. I know it seems childish, but I do think it is better than me annoying people around me.
I rant too much tonight...
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Stupid
I think...no I know, I just made a stupid decision last week, without thinking ahead. Someone offered me to take care of a kitty because in her place the kitty is going to get killed by her dogs. She asked and I said I'm willing to take them, but I might have a prob with my auntie. She decided in that moment to get the cat to me. I'm excited, really excited, to the point of buying things for the kitty (food included). After I buy things, I began to look at my plans, and then it strucked me...I have plans in the end of the month and if I took the cat, it will ended up being neglected. I don't want that to happen, so I told her and explain things to her. I also told her that the best I can do is take the cat and try to get it a new place quickly, I said I was sorry and I said I'll try to be responsible and find a place for the cat. Somehow she's mad at me more than I could imagine, I really feel bad, I felt guilty ever since I remembered the plan. I told her if she thinks I'm fit to take care of the cat for a while then I'll take it, but in the end she kinda said whatever...from what she implied I get that she doesn't want to hear anything from me again, so I dropped it while searching for a new place. I still am searching for a new place.
I really am speechless about this problem, and all I can do is try my best to find a place ASAP. Of course all I can do is also pray, I hope things will work out.
I went to the job fair, I've applied to a lot of place, including the doughnut's shop (¬_¬"). Well, all I can do right now is just keep on praying. Hope I get the right job.
I think I was being foolish, I need to think more ahead than to the present. I hope I can be a better person.
I'm really really sorry to my friends who I may hurt accidentally, whom I might annoy without me realizing it. I'm trying to be a good friend, but I guess I still need a lot to learn.
I really am speechless about this problem, and all I can do is try my best to find a place ASAP. Of course all I can do is also pray, I hope things will work out.
I went to the job fair, I've applied to a lot of place, including the doughnut's shop (¬_¬"). Well, all I can do right now is just keep on praying. Hope I get the right job.
I think I was being foolish, I need to think more ahead than to the present. I hope I can be a better person.
I'm really really sorry to my friends who I may hurt accidentally, whom I might annoy without me realizing it. I'm trying to be a good friend, but I guess I still need a lot to learn.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
About chairs
This is what I notice when I ate. People tend to group themselves among what they're familiarized themselves with, be it a family, a friend, or maybe just a fellow colleague. They also have the tendencies of doing things together while they ate. I noticed some differences as long as we grow up (why we? Because it's a general knowledge).
When we were in kindergarten we sit next to a stranger and treats them as friend, while staying true to ourselves, be it the way we eat, the way we sit, the way we talk, or even our own habits. We never have to pretend, we never really care about who's sitting next to us as long as we are happy. We are carefree.
As we grow up, we go to school, we learn what is appropriate, what is polite, what the society thinks, and it became a doctrine. We started to define ourselves according to the society, the majority.
In primary school we started to group ourselves, we only want to sit next to someone we know, if we don't know we still are able to make friends with them. By the end of primary school we grouped ourselves and the stereotyping began.
In high school, we often see people grouping themselves, and when someone new comes to school that person will try the place or group that he/she could fit in. At this times, stereotyping play its role. People try their best to be accepted in the majority that they think are cool, although some of them stays true and usually becomes an outcast.
By the end of university we've become doctrinate, of course we can also differentiate what is good and what is bad. In this way we are ready for the society to take us in. However one thing stays true, by this time we totally alienated ourselves from strangers. Not wanting to know them, not wanting to sit next to them unless we really have to. By this time we only want to sit next to those we really are familiar with, those we are comfortable with, and starting to not care about others. There are still some who care, and we call them by names, or maybe heroes.
So what is up with the universe? What have this world comes to? We are the one making the rules, and yet we keep on changing them whenever we feel convenient. We throw off our carefreeness for a doctrine which is not perfect, which is humane. But then again we are humans, we are what we define we are. We decide with God's help what is wrong and what is right...hold on...is it that fruit that causes this mess? Oh well...there are nothing we can do about that right now right?
The point is we can only learn, observe, and pour our thoughts while hoping that this world will be a better place for us, for the mankind as well as the others inhabit it.
When we were in kindergarten we sit next to a stranger and treats them as friend, while staying true to ourselves, be it the way we eat, the way we sit, the way we talk, or even our own habits. We never have to pretend, we never really care about who's sitting next to us as long as we are happy. We are carefree.
As we grow up, we go to school, we learn what is appropriate, what is polite, what the society thinks, and it became a doctrine. We started to define ourselves according to the society, the majority.
In primary school we started to group ourselves, we only want to sit next to someone we know, if we don't know we still are able to make friends with them. By the end of primary school we grouped ourselves and the stereotyping began.
In high school, we often see people grouping themselves, and when someone new comes to school that person will try the place or group that he/she could fit in. At this times, stereotyping play its role. People try their best to be accepted in the majority that they think are cool, although some of them stays true and usually becomes an outcast.
By the end of university we've become doctrinate, of course we can also differentiate what is good and what is bad. In this way we are ready for the society to take us in. However one thing stays true, by this time we totally alienated ourselves from strangers. Not wanting to know them, not wanting to sit next to them unless we really have to. By this time we only want to sit next to those we really are familiar with, those we are comfortable with, and starting to not care about others. There are still some who care, and we call them by names, or maybe heroes.
So what is up with the universe? What have this world comes to? We are the one making the rules, and yet we keep on changing them whenever we feel convenient. We throw off our carefreeness for a doctrine which is not perfect, which is humane. But then again we are humans, we are what we define we are. We decide with God's help what is wrong and what is right...hold on...is it that fruit that causes this mess? Oh well...there are nothing we can do about that right now right?
The point is we can only learn, observe, and pour our thoughts while hoping that this world will be a better place for us, for the mankind as well as the others inhabit it.
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