To exist or not to exist, that is the question.
It has been on my mind for most of these times. Maybe it's best if I
stop existing? I find it in everyone's interest that I stop existing,
for I bring tears, sadness, and uncomfortability to them.
Giving you one example, someone used to say that if I don't exist,
that person might have a better life. Others, I feel the same, if I
stop existing, their lives would be much easier, much better.
I like someone, and somehow ended up getting hurt and hurt that
person. It's always been like that, maybe I'm a negative, but when you
go through that every now and then, it makes you think, doesn't it?
Now I think I repeated that ironic thing, where I like someone, but
that person doesn't have the same feeling, and somehow I feel like
that person's drifting away, pushes me away. So now, does it really
matter anymore if I exist? Or it never really matter?
What stops me from stopping existing is my fear. Fear of being thrown
to a hell hole, so I keep on existing. Afraid of God, that He gave me
life, He's the reason why I exist.
But I often have the wrong reason to stop existing, but then I always
remember the sole reason I still exist.
Now the question, will my fear stays or will I defeat my fear and
cease to exist?
